Suddenly I'm reminded of some things that happened yesterday when we were at orchard.

We were walking down orchard road to go to Far east when I had the sudden urge to hold Junqiang's hand. But I know it would be impossible, so I held Huiming's hand instead, since she was the only one who would allow me to do so.

I think Huiming got my idea and came up with an idea: Why not we hold Junqiang's hand? One hand each! So Junqiang held out both his hands so that we could hold his hand. At first I only held his wrist softly while Huiming interlocked fingers with him and walked. After awhile, Huiming went, ''KIMBERLY AH! I ASK YOU INTERLOCK FINGER YOU GRAB HIS WRIST FOR WHAT?!''. So I interlocked fingers with him and continued walking.

So the situation was Junqiang in the centre of me and Huiming, and both of us were holding his hand in the interlocking way. This continued for more than 2minutes I guess, and Huiming let go of Junqiang's hand, coz she wanted only me and him to continue holding hands alone. But I somehow felt that Junqiang was trying to slip out of my hand, and so I let go of his hand. I don't know whether I'm just being over sensitive to feel that he wanted me to let go. I don't know.

And the moment I let go, Huiming said super loudly, ''WAH LAH! WHY YOU LET GO?! Wasted the opportunity I nicely set up for you...''. But I knew that Junqiang wouldn't want to hold hands with me alone.

So after that I held hands with Huiming instead and continued walking. When we were on the escalator, Addy suddenly called me, and i turned over, only to see her and Junqiang holding hands, with the sole purpose to let me see.

I understand that Addy only wanted to spite me *in the playful* way. But Junqiang.......??? He want me to get jealous of Addy over him? And, he probably wouldn't allow me to hold hand with him one-to-one. But he allowed Addy.

What does that make me?! ASSHOLE. Yes, its my nature to get jealous, and I get jealous over the slightest reasons each time. Extremely jealous, especially when it comes to Junqiang. Even when he gets engrossed when talking to other girls, I'm jealous too. Take yesterday for example. When we were on the train, he didn't even speak a word to me, and was talking to Huiming all the way. We were sitting in such a way that I sat beside Huiming, while Junqiang sat beside Huiming.

In fact, it was only after Huiming left that he decided to speak 2 sentences to me. This was how it went after Huiming left.
JQ: Why you so quiet?
Me: You all never talk to me then what? you expect me to talk to myself?
JQ: Ohh. Coz I never sit with you so never talk mah.
Me:................

And only when he was about to leave that Junqiang just told me, ''Bye bye. zai jian.''. I merely said, ''bye'' without looking at him. I was super jealous and upset, and told Zhenqin about it. Zhenqin was super sweet. I was telling him how worthless I am in JQ's eyes, and how upset I was over JQ. Zhenqin was super sweet in comforting me. He was telling me things like, ''you're definitely worthy! You're not unworthy! It's Junqiang who's not worthy of having you. Go home, take a shower, and cry, if it makes you feel more comfortable, and forget about Junqiang ok? so cheer up! (: .''.

I would have forgotten Junqiang if I could. Too bad, I couldn't... I've decided. I'll wait for Junqiang for another 2 years. If I still don't get any returns by then, I'll give up. Till then, I'll wait for him.....