Although I said I won't initiate it with Junqiang, I did... In the end...

Yesterday I told him that I no longer like him, and asked him, ''Hey I'm curious to find out something. why don't we just try it out? If can then we continue. If no then we separate. I'm very curious to know whats the answer leh.''. And he was like, ''I will tell you tomorrow when we meet up for dinner.''.

So he kept me in suspense for a day. Had a whole friggin long day at Singapore poly in school of architecture. Was pretty boring at first, but it was fun later constructing the 3D interior and exterior of the house. Won the best presentation award. Rushed to meet Junqiang later with Huiming.

Met up with him and went to yishun with Huiming to have macdonalds before going to arcade to play. Huiming ''mastered'' ddr. Congrats to her.

Went home with Junqiang and Huiming.. Requested for the answer from Junqiang. It was rather dramatic I guess. I even stopped at Admiralty to talk with him. Conversation was for around... erm... Waiting time for 4 or 5 trains. Yes. That was around 9pm. Here's the conversation. It isn't exact words. But the meaning's there.
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Me: Hey, so you haven't told me your answer for the question yesterday yet.
JQ: I really don't know what to say leh.
Me: Just say lah.
JQ: Normally in such situations I will keep quiet one lor.
Me: =.= Now i'm asking you not to lah.
JQ: You want me to tell you more straight forward or not?
Me: Straight forward.
JQ: No.
Me: *expected that answer but started to get sad* um.
JQ: You wanted me to be more straight to the point what.
Me: Then can't you just tell me straight away on the phone last night? Just want to keep me in suspense one day? Very fun is it.
JQ: No lah... But really, no matter which girl ask me this question, my answer would be 'no' one lor. Coz it's like, weird. Shouldn't the guy be asking this question instead.
Me: It's coz the guy is too ballless to do so, and thats why the girl have to do it.
JQ: Guys never do it is got reason one lor.
Me: Yea right excuses. Who was the one who asked me in the first place!?
JQ: Coz I thought we know each other for so long liao. Maybe I have feelings for you, but I don't know only leh.
Me: Crap. You said that in the end you realise that you don't like me. So if I had agreed then, and you realised that you don't like me, we'll only last like, 4 days before you ask for a break up?!
JQ: No. If you had agreed then, I won't ask for a break up.
Me: But I did agree then...
JQ: But I thought you didn't answer me then what...
Me: Yea... Actually I was thinking if we manage to stay together for the critical period of one year, I'll wait for you for the 2years that you're in NS... But that seems too impossible to fulfil anymore.
JQ: I'm speechless. I really don't know what to say. But I admire your spirit.
Me: So what. Does that even matter anymore... ...
JQ: Can we go sit down? I feel very bad that you're standing.
Me: -.-
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*Okay I was already very sad then.*
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JQ: Can you tell me how long has it been?
Me: Going to be 20months soon.
JQ: What?!
Me: *blur*
JQ: Why did you like me? I'm curious.
Me: I don't know. I really don't know.
JQ: But really. It's not really coz I don't want. It's more of phobia, coz I'm rather old fashioned due to my dad.
Me: Don't try to find excuses. If it's a 'no', its a 'no'. No need to explain further coz it'll just be lies since you're just trying to patronise me.
JQ: I'm really not. But I'm really not into relationships now. Ya.
Me: So? Like i said, no need to find excuses to patronise me.
JQ: Can we talk about this matter in a cheerful way, and not so serious?
Me: *thinking how stupid it is* sigh. okayyyyyyy.

*continues alot of crap with how he will never understand until he really likes someone*

JQ: But even if we're together, i'll just find it weird. Coz I'm old fashioned due to my father. But really, I'm losing alot of things this holidays.
Me: So? You don't cherish them anyway.
JQ: No lor, but I'm really losing friends and everything. It's like, nobody bothers to keep in contact with me. Maybe a tiny bit of Huiming and Annette. But the only one who bother to keep in contact with me is you.
Me: So? Does it even make a difference? If you had the choice, you would have wished that it was ZQ instead of me.
JQ: No lor. Do you know that even when me and ZQ were on best terms, you're still my closest and best friend?
Me: I don't believe you.
JQ: But really, I really don't want to lose you as a friend. You're my one and only closest friend. I don't want to lose you. You're the only one who keeps in contact with me.
Me: Coz I'm the only one irritating you. You don't even bother to initiate conversations with me. So who's the one not keeping in contact?
JQ: It's coz I really don't know what to say, and I usually don't initiate conversations.
Me: Whatever. So am I supposed to do that too?
JQ: If you want I can't stop you. But can don't? I really don't want to lose you.
Me:...........
JQ:Really.
Me: *sees approaching train* But no matter what, I'll continue waiting for you. *runs into train*
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Yea. Was trying to suppress myself from crying, but of course, couldn't hold back. Cried a number of times for short times until ZQ smsed me... This is how the conversation went:
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Exact words:
ZQ: So? Wads e result? Wad did jq tell u?
Me: Result quite obviously is no... But today i let alot of things off my chest. He said tt he nt rdy due 2 pressure frm father. But i rly told him alot of things. He asked me how long i lyk him n y i lyk him. I just frankly told him e truth. I oso told him tt if last time he took me for serious and tt we manage to stay tgt 4 at least a year, I will wait for him while he's in NS. He told me that he rly dunno wad to say, and that he rly admire my spirit. Like i bother bout tt part. And he told me alot of things too... E part tt i've always been e most impt fren 2 him...
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The moment I saw Zq's reply, I really broke into tears. uncontrollably. Even ZQ understands, but JQ don't. I haven't finished reading his reply, but I cried. Very badly. Why, an outsider understood more. Why can't JQ understand?
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ZQ's reply: So touching ;-( Sob. His father give him pressure in term of school work? But i also admire your spirit. Not many or shud I say very few girls will actually wait for tat guy during ns. Very touching. But promises are easy to make but difficult to keep to them. Ya. Jq or maybe other guys next time is very very very lucky to have u as a gf. Ya. If nxt time my gf lyk u so loyal, i will be very very fortunte *he spelt wrongly* and i will love her alot. Ya. But i doubt i will find tat girl thou. Haha.
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I only read the front part at first and i broke uncontrollably into tears. its lyk, unstanding zq...