finally, i'm gonna attempt to lose weight!!

hahaha i know i've been saying this a gazillion times over, and i never once lost weight and i always gain weight instead of losing

and it's very annoying to be the fat one around all your skinny friends, and they can dress skimpily (okay maybe not skimpy, but just normal) and look great while the fat one has to cover oneself and reveal only the eyes like the traditional arabic attire and it's damn sad lor!!!

i must lose weight coz i dont wanna end up covering myself up fully with black cloth (black to look thinner mahh...). and so that i won't look like a tranny when i attempt to dress like a normal female.

i know you all are having a weird mental image of me now, but don't judge me!! if not when i become skinny and chio i judge you back.

and seriously hor, how do girls walk ah? seriously i cannot make it. regardless of how i try to remind myself that deep down inside, no matter how not-obvious it is, i'm still a female (don't be doubtful about it). but i end up walking and talking like a guy!! a freaking guy!! and according to my friends, when i attempt to behave and walk like a female, i look like a female teacher, and i'm not gonna say who she is, but just know it's NEVER EVER a good thing to look and behave like that teacher. pfft.

damn. and i must be glam at all times so that people can never take unglam shots of me again. like, wahpiang. but then again, regardless of whether i'm trying to be glam or not, i still appear to be unglam. damn! people can't even tell the difference whether it's an unglam shot or not lor. freak!! ):

and you people who know me personally must be saying, ''aiyah no matter how manly you behave *kimston ahem...*, we can still tell that you're a female *maybe coz u wear a skirt to school??*". but last time really got people mistake me for a guy lor!! damn it manz. i still remember when i was much much younger, got this stupid aunty selling fruits mistake me for a boy lor!! nb manz. i will remember her for life and boycott her fruits stall lor!! i still remember it clearly lor!! xiang dang nian....

FLASSSSHBACK.

me and mum: *buying fruits from fruit stall*
fruit aunty (FA): eh!! ur son very cute leh!!!
mum: *smiles weakly and thought she was talking about my brother*
fruit aunty *to me*: ah boy ah! help your mummy carry plastic bag!
me: *curse and swear to myself*
mum: *awkward* erm... it's ah girl...
fruit aunty: *SHOCKS!!* SORRY SORRY!!!

kns. until now when ever i walk past her stall, i secretly hope that her daughter, if she even has any, looks like a tranny. hurmph!!

but then again, that fruit aunty wasn't the only one who thought i was a boyboy lah. many other random aunties along the way thought i was a guy lor!! stupid blind people.

okay lah can't really blame them. coz i had extremely short hair (boy's crew cut) hairstyle then, and i always wear the Mighty Morphan Power Ranger teeshirt tucked into my high shorts and i naturally have that sian face that most guys have, and i was wearing an ugly gold rimmed specs then. AND IM SO NOT GONNA POST ANY OF THOSE PHOTOS HERE. and to add onto that ugliness, i naturally have curly hair. as in, really freaking curly hair. and so, i look like the child version of Phua Chu Kang. just perhaps uglier. or maybe prettier. i wouldn't know.

and so after that, i've made up my mind to have long hair!!!!! maybe at least, long enough so that people will not think that i'm a guy. but sadly enough to say, during the process of letting my hair grow longer, my hair did not seem as long as it should have been, since my hair is really damn curly, like indian like that. and so, in my primary 4 year, i went to rebond my hair (and rebonded my hair every 4 months ever since then to keep the straightness).

and i kinda regret it now anyway coz it's so freaking expensive to always rebond my hair (like 100+ bucks each time), plus treatment and everything. and somemore now straight hair is kinda no longer the 'in' thing. and if i let my hair naturally grow the way it is now, it's going to look very stupid coz the top is gonna be extremely curly till no ends, and the bottom suddenly so straight. pfft.

now i have to save up alot of money for post alvls shopping spree (with the goal of looking thinner), and dye my hair chestnut too!! and i still remember Junqiang (one of my sec sch cum jc fren) saying that white/grey/silver hair is very nice and that he wants to dye his hair this colour. and i was thinking to myself that given my current hair length, if i were to dye my hair that colour too, i'm probably gonna end up looking like Father Christmas *damn. for a moment i forgot how to spell Christmas and ended up asking someone on msn.*.

okay just in case you guys are getting thrown off by the mental image of me being mistaken for a boy, that was when i was in primary 1 or 2. before that i had long curly hair and i was skinny when i was young!!! i only started becoming fat when i was in primary 4 till now (HAHAHA). and i'm quite certain that i look like a girl now. at least, no one calls me boyboy. although i still feel quite awkward when people call me Xiao Jie.

and speaking of Xiao Jie, i find it very weird leh. xiao jie to me seems damn old. and from xiao jie, i think i'll freak out when people call me aunty lor!!! like can you imagine next time when i accidentily drop something onto the floor and some smelly little brat come up to me and say, ''AUNTY!!! YOU DROP YOUR THING!!''. wahpiang i'm so gonna slap that smelly fella.

and speaking of this, i think i look damn old for my age lor. as in, it was since young that i looked old. probably coz i matured (physically) faster than most people. like hello? i was already in puberty stage 5 in primary 3. which means i'll probably reach menopause much earlier than everyone else. *shocks*

and i will never forgive this stupid waiter in Mos burger lor! i can't remember his name nor his looks, but still!!! hurmph!! let me tell you what happened!! i was still in primary school (i think primary 4 then). and i went to go order stuff at Mos burger. and i was in home clothes coz i think i ponned school that day (HAHAHA). and there was this catholic JC girl in front of me, and that waiter was like, ''oh hello miss can i have your order?''. and after her turn was my turn. and guess what that waiter said to me?!

"hello MADAM can i take your order?''.

WTF! that bugger was obviously much older than me!! like in his 20s or something. how dare he call me MADAM. like damn old like that, and i was only 9 or 10yrs old lor!! so insulting. damn him. i hope no girls wanna marry him. HUMPH!!!

and i boycotted mos burgers until recently, coz my classmates apparently seem to have a fetish for mos burgers recently, and i realised that their clam chowder, despite being a tad too expensive, is actually quite nice. so okay lor, for the sake of the clam chowder that actually does not have many clams, i shall forgive that little bugger.

and damn. how i've digressed. actually initally i wanted to blog about how stressed i am trying to study but failing. but look at what i've blogged about! i wanted to start lor, but my mum suddenly came in and told me that i looked kinda fat in one of my recent photographs. and that struck off the first line that i should lose weight. and i know i always say that but i end up gaining weight instead of losing them. damn. i have a great affinity for lipids.

I don't like you fats, go away.

and today's my mum's birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMMMYYYYY ;DDDD